Facing the unknown…

Three of the hardest things I have found to deal with in life are:

• Accepting the fact that if you are having a problem or a challenge in life, your challenge is no different, not harder nor easier than anyone else’s.
• Learning how to tell when you are being challenged or when you are facing a problem.
• Learning to forgive yourself when you screw up.

Some of these points might be kind of hard to understand unless you consider the kinds of problems I am speaking about.

Point One:

I’m not speaking about comparing a challenge at work, to facing Cancer, or an annoying co-worker, to having your home foreclosed. Some problems are just not possible to compare to each other and are not at all subtle. The kinds of things I’m speaking about are those things that sneak up on you; that have you losing sleep and leave you frustrated and you can’t even figure out why. The point here is: when you are going through something challenging or difficult TO YOU, just about anything else that could come your way might seem better than what you are going through at that moment. You can’t compare your problems to others and decide that yours are not so bad; yours are difficult to you and that makes them important.

For example; take a challenge you might be facing at work.

It could be dealing with a reprimand, or a difficult boss or co-worker. It could even be something as positive as getting a promotion or finally being given the opportunity to engage in something you always wanted to do. Whatever the challenge is, my mistaken response at times is to take the negative road. That path that says: “Here we go again”, or: “I just can’t do this” or “I’m not good enough” or “What’s the point”. When you start thinking like this, it can get harder and harder to see anything beyond the OBVIOUS negative outcome you fear the most: screwing it up and losing your job. Some people fear success more then they fear failure.

Let it go too far and it can soon become difficult to see past your own negativity; to see that if you just engage yourself, face the challenges and do what needs to be done, that it will work out all right. Negative thinking, or as my wife calls it “Stinkin-Thinkin”, can make it seem impossible to believe that you were hired because you are good at what you do. That you are still there because somebody still believes in you. And even in the worst case: that you are getting a reprimand rather than being fired because they really want you to succeed! Right then, at that point, this seems like the most difficult, life changing, oober-challenging thing you could ever deal with, even though the solution might be simple.

Right then… your negative thinking can turn you around so bad that you might just believe that losing your job is better than dealing with all this!

If we are truly in charge of our own minds and the way that we think, then why is it sometimes so easy to think negatively and so hard to have a positive attitude.

Point Two:

I don’t know about you, but sometimes when I am scared, or facing a challenge (again, not the overwhelming obvious situations…) I sometimes try to deal with those challenges by invoking a coping mechanism rather than just facing the problem and working on a solution. Sometimes I even begin that coping habit without actually knowing I am doing it.

Those who do this, do so in different ways: Some just avoid the situation and go on to something else. Some people will find themselves facing a panic attack; a physical response to an emotional stressor, like chest pains or breathing problems. Still others might turn to excesses or bad habits like drinking or drugs. Some of the avoidance habits might even be considered healthy, like sex, eating or even sleeping. Good habits, done under the wrong circumstances and done in excess or at the wrong times, can become hurtful and harmful.

If your coping habit is a negative one, recognizing that you are doing it may be easy; the challenge then might be quitting a bad and addictive habit that you have gotten hooked into. If your’ coping mechanism is a more positive habit that you do in excess or for the wrong reasons like eating, sex or over working, recognizing it might be a bit harder.

The challenge for me in this case is learning how to tell the difference when the choices made are not necessarily bad but are just not the best option under the circumstances, and definitely not helping the situation. If you think you have a problem, sometimes seeing a good therapist or counselor can help you work through it. If you have a trusted close friend or you’re comfortable talking to your life’s partner, sometimes just hashing it out can help. Sometimes, purposefully engaging in a healthy activity that opens up your mind and allows you to think can help. For example, when I am upset or bothered by something, going on a long run helps me to sweat it out in more ways than one. It’s a positive physical activity, and it forces me to think because there’s really nothing else to do.

Point Three:

This one is at the same time simple, and impossible! Anytime we face difficult times, or challenge ourselves to grow or move beyond something, we are going to make mistakes. Making mistakes, in my opinion, is part of that great cosmic learning experience that God put us here to… experience. If we did not suffer the annoyance of making mistakes, we could never enjoy the elation of doing it right. I don’t believe that God causes us to make mistakes so that he can teach us, but I do believe that he allows us to suffer our own poor choices so that we might learn something in the process. The challenge here is learning to move on when a mistake is made.

Never allow yourself to get so wrapped up in feeling sorry for yourself and feeling bad about what you did, that you can’t get beyond it onto the next opportunity to do right, or do well. I’m not saying to dodge responsibility; Taking responsibility is very important. However, once you have done so, it’s time to move on. What a waste it would be to miss out on doing some great thing in life, only because you’re feeling guilty, and don’t feel worthy of doing so.

So maybe, that empty feeling; that feeling like you are facing the unknown and you don’t know what to do –maybe it’s not so unknown. Maybe you don’t have to feel empty. Maybe, like so much else in life, it’s just a choice.

We can choose to be down, and defeated. We can choose to doubt and to turn away. Or, we can choose to believe; to have faith, and to push forward even if we are scared. For true faith and courage is not tested when things are going great, but are shown to their true strength when we are challenged and when things are difficult.

Know God never gives us anything we can’t handle. I always like to think that God believed in you enough to get you to this far; now you must believe in yourself enough to take it the rest of the way.

And remember…

You never walk alone!