Until we meet again…
I guess I really do live a sheltered life… of sorts. Don’t get me wrong… I have done a lot, seen many things, and been countless places. Yet there are certain things that, before now, I had never experienced. And now that I have experienced this one specific, before un-experienced thing, I now know I didn’t like it much. Yet somehow these types of experiences, although definitely negative, might just help sharpen ones understanding and appreciation of life in general.
I said farewell today to an old friend.
We finally came to the conclusion as a family that the time had come that our cat Amber needed to be put to sleep.
…Such a kind phrase: “Put to sleep…”
Having never experienced this sort of thing before, I was not quite sure what to expect. I was told by my wife that I did not need to stay for it; that I could just drop her off, pay the fee and then go about my business. My wife said she always stayed and because of that I had already decided the day before that I would NOT do any less.
I admit; it was pride and a little bit of not wanting to be any less of a caring person than she is that initially forced my hand… The end result however turned out to be so much more.
The doctor was very caring and gentle. He greeted me and Amber with the comment:
“I sure hate starting my day out this way…” It was nine AM on a Saturday and now I have two reasons to feel bad.
We took her out of her carrier and he scratched her head for a while as we listened to her purr. He wondered how on earth she could breathe at all through that tiny little nose she had. He was silent for a while as he stroked her head a bit more.
“I wonder if she has any concept of time”, He wondered aloud.
I wasn’t sure how to answer.
“I can’t believe that they have the same understanding as we do, but I’m sure they do understand it to a point.”
Never once was he impatient or unkind. He shaved her leg, gently held her paw and looked for her vein while the nurse and I held her still. Amber was calm and not too irritated over what I’m sure she did not understand.
In a way, I believe that this was probably better. For a cat, fear of the vet is one thing. A fear for your life is quite another. In this case, this is one time that NOT being human was her advantage.
As I held her gently under my hands I could feel her purring a little and shivering from the cold of the room. The doctor inserted the needle. The shaking under my hands stopped before he had removed the needle. The nurse instantly and gently began to adjust her hold and the position of her hands to make sure that the way Amber laid on the towel was complementary and not awkward or strange. And then, it was just over.
“Spend as much time as you like.” He said to me as they left the room and closed the door.
In that instant, in my hands, she was there and then she was gone. What was life was now just remains.
I leaned down on the table and surrounded her in my arms and prayed.
Too often my prayers are about me!
Did I let her down?
If I only had more money, I could have gotten more medical attention…
Thankfully before too long, I realized that this was not about me or for me but for her.
I then thanked God for allowing me to be a part of her life. I prayed that she had been welcomed into her place in heaven and that I had somehow been a part of making her time here a little nicer.
I then wrapped her in the towel and went to the car.
When I got to the car, I was surprised at how sad I felt. I was suddenly overwhelmed with the loss of her and I wept.
Now…Let’s take a moment here and try and put this into the proper perspective…
This… was a cat!
It was a little 4 legged critter that urinated on my floor and would then get lost in the bathtub and yowl like a street cat. Shaving her was always a major event. It always took two people and at least two days to complete. And the last time we shaved her, the hair didn’t even grow back right.
She was old and boney and smelly…
And… she was my friend.
She would greet me with her tiny little meow, and she would always roll over like a dog so I could scratch her belly. She loved her nose scratched and that little spot in front of her tail.
In her day, she was small, but she was fierce.
So…
Let’s really put this into perspective…
She was just a cat. And even as “Just a Cat”, her loss brought a grown man to tears. Her loss made this same man… Made me reflect on the deeper meaning of life:
That life, is one of the most important things we have. It is a strong and powerful force this life. Life’s determination to exist and to live on has been shown to be a strong and enduring thing. And yet at the same time our hold on life in the end is beyond our control and as thin as a thread. It is a fleeting thing that is too easily taken for granted. It is that most precious gift that is too often lost or wasted in dozens of ways. It only takes a moment, just a flash, and then it’s gone and as far as we know there is no going back –no starting over.
Life is important, but life without love can be a long and lonely thing. Love, is what makes life worth living. The catch is: you can’t have love, without accepting loss.
Everything dies sooner or later. Unless you want to live in a bubble and never love anything or anyone, you are going to suffer loss –possibly several times if you love many.
I am sad at the loss of Amber. It hit me in some very unexpected ways this loss; to actually see a life there one moment and then gone was difficult, and shocking.
I am sad… but I am happier that I knew her. I am happy that I was a part of her life.
And I’m going to make an effort to make sure that the “Loves” in my life are enjoyed to the fullest; are embraced and never once taken for granted. I’m going to make sure that the time I have, is not wasted. I’m going to make sure that every moment I have is the best moment, each and every one.
Because Life is the most precious gift we have, and it’s the love we find along the way that makes the journey worth taking.
